(no subject)

[minviendha]

I'm afraid.

One of my friends is pulling back. I don't know if it's her or me, but it's happening, and I don't know what to do. It would be easier just to let it go, but that feels like the cowardly thing to do. And I do love her, just...she makes my life harder, sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I'm just sitting here and watching my life go by. Is that a healthy way to live?

Do I sit back and let her have her space, or do I try to talk? I don't know. I'm worried that if I try to talk I'll find out I did something wrong, and that will just cut me deeper.

I don't know what to make of this. I don't.

And to top it off, I'm feeling unbearably lonely and lovelorn tonight, in the way that only besotted teenagers can. I should make icons, or something. Something useful, and cheering. Instead, I will do my usual - that is, take down Anne Bishop/Robin Hobb and read the parts that make me cry over and over again. Maybe I'm trying to make myself numb to them. Maybe I think that if I sink deeply enough into the character's woes, I don't have to think about my own. Maybe I'm just a masochist. If I feel really awful, I'll take down Queen of Darkness and reread the end. That's the top weepy book. It actually gets me sobbing. Is that pathetic?

And to top it all off, why not listen to my playlist of depressing music. How about it?

I miss you guys. Wish you lived closer. Sometimes one's real life friends just don't seem to be enough.

Love,
Lise the Masochist

Comments

[youkokoenma.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, sweetie. Sometimes you just have to let nature take it's course with those sort of things.

If it's any consolation, my night's been pretty awful, as welll *le sigh*

[zorpisuttle.livejournal.com]

I don't think there are any easy answers... sometimes people just fall apart as they get older, and other times discussing the problem will help allieviate it. I would say talk, because if by some unlikely circumstance you did do something to offend her, if you find out what it is, maybe you can make amends for it. If you don't find out what's really going on, it'll probably eat you up inside.

But if it actually came to following this advice myself, I'd probably have to steel myself for a good long while before I confronted anyone. >_< I hate dealing with negative situations, I'd rather just let it lie and hope it all works out. Still, while that might be the easiest course, it might not be the best.

I really don't think that was helpful at all, but that's the best I can do at 6:07 AM. I hope whatever you decide, it turns out well.

[nonconformity93.livejournal.com]

hmmm. you've piqued my interest about this friend. I know that something happened with us a little while ago and my ego immediatly went to "ZOMGZ EETS ME!" becuase I want everything to be about me. If it is please let me know and I'll be happy to talk to you.

I also just want to say that as mature as you are in your metal state you are a teen. And teens have hormones. And hormones suck. So even though you may be feeling sad and alone (I know I have) it's not always a ligitamite thing to think that no one loves you. Don't push these feelings away though. If you do get numb it'll end up sucking. Try to relax. And talk to your real-life friends.

[minviendha.livejournal.com]

Actually, yeah. It is. You, I mean.

*cringe*

Just wait, I'm going to wish I hadn't said anything in about two minutes...that's me, foot in mouth Lise.

And I know that. Too well, actually.

Sometimes I think I would feel better if I knew that my emotional state was a ligit thing, and not just teen hormone floods. But that's just me.

[nonconformity93.livejournal.com]

ooof. Why is it always me? I wish I had more time to write you, but I don't. I just want to let you know that there is no "pulling away"/"I don't want to be 'lise's friend anymore" stuff going on here. At least not on perpose. I do know that there's a bit of shit going on right now. It's not huge or anything I'm just feeling some...somthing around the whole topic of friendship right now. If this has anything to do with not sitting next to you on the bus DO NOT TAKE THAT AS A PERSONAL ATTACK! I like to sit on my own, sure, next to my friends, but I enjoy having my own seat. I have for the past...oh...8 years it seems to me. So it was wierd sitting next to you this year and it has nothing to do with our friendship. I also want to say that if I'm making your life harder, and if this friendship doesn't seem worth it to you (I'm not going to lie, there are times I've felt like that. Not in a mean or "I hate you" kind of way. Just in a "Is this worth it, really?" kind of way) than just let me know. I don't mean that we stop talking to each other or anything like that, I mean that if it feels too hard we can just let it be, see how stuff works out, and not view anything in a "best friend" kind of way. This has nothing to do with my feelings btw, i'm just throwing it out there.

If there's anything else you'd like to ask me or whatever. I'm ready to answer!