wangst.

[minviendha]

I realized, finally, what is with me this week.

I'm feeling horribly, completely, bleakly, bitterly vulnerable.

And when I'm vulnerable, I lash out, I withdraw, I am afraid and skittish and easily worried.

And I realized what makes life hard for me.

These.

1. Intense need for intimacy. I have a horrible need for both physical and emotional closeness. I have no personal space when it comes to people I love, and if I feel just the slightest bit pushed away, the need only gets stronger. As you can imagine, this is a problem.

2. Observation of unspoken language. I notice things that people themselves don't notice, and that has nothing to do with what they are thinking or feeling. This worries me.

3. Self-centeredness. Everything's about me. If someone's angry, they're angry at me. If someone's having a bad day, it's something I did.

4. Reading my own ciriticisms into others' words. If I'm worried about some aspect of me, I assume that whoever is talking about it when they are talking to me. I project what I'm worried about into other's speech. This is how arguments start.

I think I'm about to fall apart.

Comments

[dame_grise]

Here, let me and Lyra's kittens hug you.

[minviendha.livejournal.com]

Awww.

Thanks! Kittens make anyone feel better...

[sizzlinfoo.livejournal.com]

I was actually sensing a kind of vulnerability from you this week. I'm so sorry you've been feeling this way, I'd give you a big hug if I didn't feel sick. Your self-awareness and articulate... ness? always astound me.

[minviendha.livejournal.com]

I missed you today! Social Studies/Language Arts/Algebra was empty and testosterone filled without you.

Thank you. *blush* Virtual hug, anyway. And I hope you feel better soon!