![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I love how the part of the fanmix that takes longest is not the music gathering or the posting or the lyric getting. It is making the cover art, because my Photoshop is so freaking slow. Aaaaugh. :( I need computer doctor to see my computer. Will call, I think.
Medium: Book
Fandom: Silmarillion
Title: Ill-Gotten Son
Subject: Maeglin
Notes: The longest I've made, in a while. I just kept finding things and it's been in process a while...so here it is,everyone's my favorite seriously fucked up elven kiddo. Pseudo canon, ahoy! Also more of a story than my other fanmixes have been in a while. No, I don't know why either.
DOWNLOAD ZIP HERE
Don’t Be Scared –Hannah Fury
Please just don't be scared
Don't be scared
Don't be sad
It will be all right
This too shall pass
Just get through one more night
Introduction. Maeglin: the boy with just about every issue you can name. And 'all right' is a very large lie.
Caleb – Sonata Arctica
His mother came up with such a clever way to save the day with a little white lie.
He thinks he missed the point back then, but now he's grown to understand it, in a way.
Father said "I'm sorry" only once, as I remember,
"Words weren't meant to hurt, only destroy you, my stupid son..."
One person can make a difference, sometimes...
Growing up with Eol and Aredhel; a father who's halfway insane and a mother who wavers between Stockholm induced affection, days that are quiet and relatively happy and days he spends as quiet as he can so as not to be noticed by his father's unpredictable temper...
Mama Who Bore Me (Reprise) – Spring Awakening
Mama who bore me
Mama who gave me
Mama the angels
Who made me so sad
...and the mother he worships and adores.
Boy Decide – Murder By Death
boy, decide,
you're too old to fuck around
and too young to die,
time to try life on for size
now the time has come
to pull yourself out of the mud
and fix yourself up
hell don't you care how you look
"...and they rode often to the eaves of the wood, seeking the sunlight; and desire grew hot in Maeglin's heart to leave Nan Elmoth for ever. Therefore he said to Aredhel, 'Lady, let us depart while there is time! What hope is there in this wood for you or for me?'"
The Cross – Within Temptation
Why have you waited to embrace me my dear?
Cold is your silence, denying what is real
I’m still wondering why
I’m still calling your name my dear
I’m sorry if you can’t stand the naked truth
All you see is how you want it to be
So you keep on living your life
It isn't everything he dreamed. His mother lies dead and his father curses him as he dies. His place is tenuous at best and he sees mistrust and hatred everywhere. But there is one bright spot that makes up for everything, or should...
Sleepwalker – Nightwish
Sleepwalker seducing me
I dare to enter your ecstacy
Lay yourself now down to sleep
In my dreams you're mine to keep
Idril, his cousin, and a love that rapidly turns toward obsession...
The Horror of Our Love – Ludo
I'm a killer, cold and wrathful
Silent sleeper, I've been inside your bedroom
I've murdered half the town
left you love notes on their headstones
I'll fill the graveyards until I have you.
Moonlight walking, I smell your softness
carnivorous and lusting to track you down among the pines.
I want you stuffed into my mouth
hold you down and tear you open, live inside you -
love, I'd never hurt you.
A dark and increasingly dangerous obsession.
Everything I Do (I Do It For You) – Bryan Adams
Look into your heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice
He tries to love, tries to express himself to her, clumsy attempts at flirtation. In some ways, he does love her; it's only that that love has gone too far and the lack of return slowly wears away at his patience and few remaining scruples...
Fuego! – Murder By Death
She walked with fire at her heels
The scent of smoke on the breeze
Where ever she goes that's where i'll will be
Whatever she wants that's what i'll need
Baby its been long that even the roses hips have turned me on
Baby it's been so long
He can't stop thinking about her, and he wants her, has to do something, make one last desperate try...
Somewhere Only We Know – Keane
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
...and then comes Tuor. And suddenly, in one stroke, everything he suspected is true. She never loved him, no one has ever loved him, and he is not indebted to anyone.
Where the Wild Roses Grow – Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
On the third day he took me to the river
He showed me the roses and we kissed
And the last thing I heard was a muttered word
As he knelt above me with a rock in his fist
On the last day I took her where the wild roses grow
And she lay on the bank, the wind light as a thief
As I kissed her goodbye, I said, "All beauty must die"
And lent down and planted a rose between her teeth
The anger is overwhelming and there isn't an outlet for it. The darkness surfaces. He spends less and less time in Gondolin, where he has to think about everything he has a right to, where he trusts no one, and wanders ever farther afield.
Hall of the Mountain King – Apocalyptica
instrumental
"But often Maeglin went with a few of his folk beyond the leaguer of the hills, and the King knew not that his bidding was defied; and thus it came to pass, as fate willed, that Maeglin was taken prisoner by Orcs, and brought unto Angband."
The Bird and the Worm – The Used
Out of his mind
The weight pushes him whispering
Must have been out of his mind
Mid-day delusions
of pushing this out of his head
Maybe out of his mind
(Out of his mind)
All alone he turns to stone
While holding his breath half to death
Terrified of whats inside
To save his life
He crawls like a worm
Crawls like a worm from a bird
"Maeglin was no weakling or craven, but the torment wherewith he was threatened cowed his spirit, and he purchased his life and freedom by revealing to Morgoth the very place of Gondolin and the ways whereby it might be assaulted."
Secret – The Pierces
Got a secret
Can you keep it
Tell me this one you'll save
Better lock it
in your pocket
Taking this one to your grave
If you show you I know you
Won't tell what I said
Cause two can keep a secret
If one of them is dead
Maeglin has a secret too dark to tell, even if he wanted to. And he does, sometimes. But then he'd have to kill you.
Viva Discordia – That Handsome Devil
Bats in the belfry (Hoo hah)
Rotting on the vine
Can't keep her eyes closed (hoo hah)
Sunny all the time
But your hands up where I can see 'em, boy, keep 'em up high
This place has gone crazy
Slow, insidious madness. Self-justification, self-righteousness, and eventually the betrayer is the betrayed in his own mine, and it was the only choice, after all. They gave him no other, those who have tormented him in Gondolin.
First Few Desperate Hours – The Mountain Goats
We have bad dreams the night he rolls in
And we try to keep our sprits high
But they flag and they wane
When the truck pulls up out front
In the light spring rain
And they sag like withering flowers
Let the good times roll on
Through these first few desperate hours
Now it's just a matter of uneasy waiting...
Everybody’s Fool – Evanescence
look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now I know she
never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
without the mask where will you hide
can't find yourself lost in your lie
It's all a lie anyway; the world is full of darkness and corruption. What use is there in fighting? None at all. Everything will fall eventually. Or so he tells himself, withdrawing even more from other people, more and more distant.
Paint It Black – Rolling Stones
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and must have it painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black
He knows his own darkness, but after all, who cares? At this point, he can almost embrace it. Almost just accept that yes, everything is wrong but it doesn't matter, nothing matters. Maybe nothing has ever mattered.
Thorn – Blind Guardian
I'm lost in the depths of his eyes
I can't flee
Inner pain caused insanity
It's deep within
The fear and the hunger
Enslaved and denied
By my love and my enemies
I'm the illgotten son
But not quite. Morgoth haunts him. The price of failure is always a reminder. There's not really any other way to go, though, no other way he can see to get out or get even. And he does want his revenge.
House of Wolves – My Chemical Romance
Well, I think I'm gonna burn in hell,
Everybody burn the house right down.
And I say, hey (hey)
What I wanna say
Tell me I'm an angel,
Take this to my grave.
Tell me I'm a bad man,
Kick me like a stray.
Tell me I'm an angel,
Take this to my grave.
Nothing does matter, though, when the end comes. Or very little. The house is already burning and he's already doomed, he knows.
Mr. Self Destruct – Nine Inch Nails
I am the voice inside your head
and I control you
I am the lover in your bed
and I control you
I am the sex that you provide
and I control you
I am the hate you try to hide
and I control you
I take you where you want to go
I give you all you need to know
I drag you down I use you up
Mr. Self-destruct
But he's hardly even driving his own life anymore. It's not really his, not anymore.
Rev 22:20 – Puscifer
Jesus has risen to no surprise
Even he would martyr his momma to ride to hell between those thighs
Pressure is building at the base of my spine
If I've got to sin to see you again
Then I'm gonna lie lie lie
She'll make you cry
Please suck me dry
Knowing what comes, while the darkness and desires rise, encouraged...
Hurt – Nine Inch Nails
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
He's not immune, still feeling, still young, and somewhere, he does know, and understand, what he's doing - but all the feelings have withered, and all he has left are the memories of a mother he can't quite think of with affection anymore.
Three Wishes – The Pierces
And you want three wishes:
One to fly the heavens
One to swim like fishes
And then one you're saving for a rainy day
If your lover ever takes her love away
Ooh ooh ooh
You say you want to know her like your lover
And undo her damage, she'll be new again
Soon you'll find that if you try to save her
It renews her anger
You will never win
It would be nice to go back. It would be nice to change things and fix everything just by wishing, put a life back together and start over again. But it's too late for that, and he knows it. Nonetheless, he's not letting go yet.
Ex Lover’s Lover – Voltaire
Three heavy stones will keep it from floating,
weigh it down to the bottom, food for the fishes.
And I know that it won't be discovered
'cause I will be careful, so very careful.
What if it doesn't rain for days and the river is
reduced to its muddy bed?
With a corpse exposed I would work in haste
and I might bury the bones in a shallow grave.
One last try. He'll take Idril away with him, kill Tuor, eventually she will come to love him, just as his mother came to love his father. Eventually she will stay, eventually she will understand.
Damaged – Assemblage 23
I am merely the product
Of the life that I've lived
An amalgam of sorrows
And the wisdom they give
But the weight has grown heavy
And its dragging me down
It's so hard not to sink now
But I don't want to drown
As he falls, one last plea from the boy who never quite grew up: it's not me, it's not my fault. It's everyone else, that's all. None of it is my responsibility; he started it. Who knows if even he believes it?
Valley of the Weeping – Steve McDonald
You came as kin
(For we welcomed you with open arms)
We welcomed you in
(As friends we offered all our charms
With food and wine
(Though the land was cold our hearts were warm)
We treated you kind
(For we gave you shelter from the storm)
But beneath your smiles...
The dead of Gondolin have no forgiveness for their traitor. Why should they?
John Wayne Gacy, Jr. – Sufjan Stevens
And on his best behavior
In a dark room on the bed he kissed them all
He'd kill ten thousand people
With a sleight of his hand
Running far, running fast to the dead
He took off all their clothes for them
He put a cloth on their lips
Quiet hands, quiet kiss
On the mouth
And in my best behavior
I am really just like him
Look beneath the floorboards
For the secrets I have hid
A last look at Maeglin, son of Eol and Aredhel, who died unmourned.
The Collapse of Laputa – Joe Hisaishi
instrumental
"...and Tuor fought with Maeglin on the walls, and cast him far out, and his body as it fell smote the rocky slopes of Amon Gwareth thrice ere it pitched into the flames below."
Like a Rose On the Grave of Love – Xandria
Indeed, reality seems far
When a rose is in love with you
Slaves of our hearts, that's what we are
We loved and died where roses grew
A waste of a life that could have been good. The end of a darkness that could have been worst. Either way, here it ends.
FIN.
Medium: Book
Fandom: Silmarillion
Title: Ill-Gotten Son
Subject: Maeglin
Notes: The longest I've made, in a while. I just kept finding things and it's been in process a while...so here it is,
DOWNLOAD ZIP HERE
Please just don't be scared
Don't be scared
Don't be sad
It will be all right
This too shall pass
Just get through one more night
Introduction. Maeglin: the boy with just about every issue you can name. And 'all right' is a very large lie.
Caleb – Sonata Arctica
His mother came up with such a clever way to save the day with a little white lie.
He thinks he missed the point back then, but now he's grown to understand it, in a way.
Father said "I'm sorry" only once, as I remember,
"Words weren't meant to hurt, only destroy you, my stupid son..."
One person can make a difference, sometimes...
Growing up with Eol and Aredhel; a father who's halfway insane and a mother who wavers between Stockholm induced affection, days that are quiet and relatively happy and days he spends as quiet as he can so as not to be noticed by his father's unpredictable temper...
Mama Who Bore Me (Reprise) – Spring Awakening
Mama who bore me
Mama who gave me
Mama the angels
Who made me so sad
...and the mother he worships and adores.
Boy Decide – Murder By Death
boy, decide,
you're too old to fuck around
and too young to die,
time to try life on for size
now the time has come
to pull yourself out of the mud
and fix yourself up
hell don't you care how you look
"...and they rode often to the eaves of the wood, seeking the sunlight; and desire grew hot in Maeglin's heart to leave Nan Elmoth for ever. Therefore he said to Aredhel, 'Lady, let us depart while there is time! What hope is there in this wood for you or for me?'"
The Cross – Within Temptation
Why have you waited to embrace me my dear?
Cold is your silence, denying what is real
I’m still wondering why
I’m still calling your name my dear
I’m sorry if you can’t stand the naked truth
All you see is how you want it to be
So you keep on living your life
It isn't everything he dreamed. His mother lies dead and his father curses him as he dies. His place is tenuous at best and he sees mistrust and hatred everywhere. But there is one bright spot that makes up for everything, or should...
Sleepwalker – Nightwish
Sleepwalker seducing me
I dare to enter your ecstacy
Lay yourself now down to sleep
In my dreams you're mine to keep
Idril, his cousin, and a love that rapidly turns toward obsession...
The Horror of Our Love – Ludo
I'm a killer, cold and wrathful
Silent sleeper, I've been inside your bedroom
I've murdered half the town
left you love notes on their headstones
I'll fill the graveyards until I have you.
Moonlight walking, I smell your softness
carnivorous and lusting to track you down among the pines.
I want you stuffed into my mouth
hold you down and tear you open, live inside you -
love, I'd never hurt you.
A dark and increasingly dangerous obsession.
Everything I Do (I Do It For You) – Bryan Adams
Look into your heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice
He tries to love, tries to express himself to her, clumsy attempts at flirtation. In some ways, he does love her; it's only that that love has gone too far and the lack of return slowly wears away at his patience and few remaining scruples...
Fuego! – Murder By Death
She walked with fire at her heels
The scent of smoke on the breeze
Where ever she goes that's where i'll will be
Whatever she wants that's what i'll need
Baby its been long that even the roses hips have turned me on
Baby it's been so long
He can't stop thinking about her, and he wants her, has to do something, make one last desperate try...
Somewhere Only We Know – Keane
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
...and then comes Tuor. And suddenly, in one stroke, everything he suspected is true. She never loved him, no one has ever loved him, and he is not indebted to anyone.
Where the Wild Roses Grow – Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
On the third day he took me to the river
He showed me the roses and we kissed
And the last thing I heard was a muttered word
As he knelt above me with a rock in his fist
On the last day I took her where the wild roses grow
And she lay on the bank, the wind light as a thief
As I kissed her goodbye, I said, "All beauty must die"
And lent down and planted a rose between her teeth
The anger is overwhelming and there isn't an outlet for it. The darkness surfaces. He spends less and less time in Gondolin, where he has to think about everything he has a right to, where he trusts no one, and wanders ever farther afield.
Hall of the Mountain King – Apocalyptica
instrumental
"But often Maeglin went with a few of his folk beyond the leaguer of the hills, and the King knew not that his bidding was defied; and thus it came to pass, as fate willed, that Maeglin was taken prisoner by Orcs, and brought unto Angband."
The Bird and the Worm – The Used
Out of his mind
The weight pushes him whispering
Must have been out of his mind
Mid-day delusions
of pushing this out of his head
Maybe out of his mind
(Out of his mind)
All alone he turns to stone
While holding his breath half to death
Terrified of whats inside
To save his life
He crawls like a worm
Crawls like a worm from a bird
"Maeglin was no weakling or craven, but the torment wherewith he was threatened cowed his spirit, and he purchased his life and freedom by revealing to Morgoth the very place of Gondolin and the ways whereby it might be assaulted."
Secret – The Pierces
Got a secret
Can you keep it
Tell me this one you'll save
Better lock it
in your pocket
Taking this one to your grave
If you show you I know you
Won't tell what I said
Cause two can keep a secret
If one of them is dead
Maeglin has a secret too dark to tell, even if he wanted to. And he does, sometimes. But then he'd have to kill you.
Viva Discordia – That Handsome Devil
Bats in the belfry (Hoo hah)
Rotting on the vine
Can't keep her eyes closed (hoo hah)
Sunny all the time
But your hands up where I can see 'em, boy, keep 'em up high
This place has gone crazy
Slow, insidious madness. Self-justification, self-righteousness, and eventually the betrayer is the betrayed in his own mine, and it was the only choice, after all. They gave him no other, those who have tormented him in Gondolin.
First Few Desperate Hours – The Mountain Goats
We have bad dreams the night he rolls in
And we try to keep our sprits high
But they flag and they wane
When the truck pulls up out front
In the light spring rain
And they sag like withering flowers
Let the good times roll on
Through these first few desperate hours
Now it's just a matter of uneasy waiting...
Everybody’s Fool – Evanescence
look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now I know she
never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
without the mask where will you hide
can't find yourself lost in your lie
It's all a lie anyway; the world is full of darkness and corruption. What use is there in fighting? None at all. Everything will fall eventually. Or so he tells himself, withdrawing even more from other people, more and more distant.
Paint It Black – Rolling Stones
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and must have it painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black
He knows his own darkness, but after all, who cares? At this point, he can almost embrace it. Almost just accept that yes, everything is wrong but it doesn't matter, nothing matters. Maybe nothing has ever mattered.
Thorn – Blind Guardian
I'm lost in the depths of his eyes
I can't flee
Inner pain caused insanity
It's deep within
The fear and the hunger
Enslaved and denied
By my love and my enemies
I'm the illgotten son
But not quite. Morgoth haunts him. The price of failure is always a reminder. There's not really any other way to go, though, no other way he can see to get out or get even. And he does want his revenge.
House of Wolves – My Chemical Romance
Well, I think I'm gonna burn in hell,
Everybody burn the house right down.
And I say, hey (hey)
What I wanna say
Tell me I'm an angel,
Take this to my grave.
Tell me I'm a bad man,
Kick me like a stray.
Tell me I'm an angel,
Take this to my grave.
Nothing does matter, though, when the end comes. Or very little. The house is already burning and he's already doomed, he knows.
Mr. Self Destruct – Nine Inch Nails
I am the voice inside your head
and I control you
I am the lover in your bed
and I control you
I am the sex that you provide
and I control you
I am the hate you try to hide
and I control you
I take you where you want to go
I give you all you need to know
I drag you down I use you up
Mr. Self-destruct
But he's hardly even driving his own life anymore. It's not really his, not anymore.
Rev 22:20 – Puscifer
Jesus has risen to no surprise
Even he would martyr his momma to ride to hell between those thighs
Pressure is building at the base of my spine
If I've got to sin to see you again
Then I'm gonna lie lie lie
She'll make you cry
Please suck me dry
Knowing what comes, while the darkness and desires rise, encouraged...
Hurt – Nine Inch Nails
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
He's not immune, still feeling, still young, and somewhere, he does know, and understand, what he's doing - but all the feelings have withered, and all he has left are the memories of a mother he can't quite think of with affection anymore.
Three Wishes – The Pierces
And you want three wishes:
One to fly the heavens
One to swim like fishes
And then one you're saving for a rainy day
If your lover ever takes her love away
Ooh ooh ooh
You say you want to know her like your lover
And undo her damage, she'll be new again
Soon you'll find that if you try to save her
It renews her anger
You will never win
It would be nice to go back. It would be nice to change things and fix everything just by wishing, put a life back together and start over again. But it's too late for that, and he knows it. Nonetheless, he's not letting go yet.
Ex Lover’s Lover – Voltaire
Three heavy stones will keep it from floating,
weigh it down to the bottom, food for the fishes.
And I know that it won't be discovered
'cause I will be careful, so very careful.
What if it doesn't rain for days and the river is
reduced to its muddy bed?
With a corpse exposed I would work in haste
and I might bury the bones in a shallow grave.
One last try. He'll take Idril away with him, kill Tuor, eventually she will come to love him, just as his mother came to love his father. Eventually she will stay, eventually she will understand.
Damaged – Assemblage 23
I am merely the product
Of the life that I've lived
An amalgam of sorrows
And the wisdom they give
But the weight has grown heavy
And its dragging me down
It's so hard not to sink now
But I don't want to drown
As he falls, one last plea from the boy who never quite grew up: it's not me, it's not my fault. It's everyone else, that's all. None of it is my responsibility; he started it. Who knows if even he believes it?
Valley of the Weeping – Steve McDonald
You came as kin
(For we welcomed you with open arms)
We welcomed you in
(As friends we offered all our charms
With food and wine
(Though the land was cold our hearts were warm)
We treated you kind
(For we gave you shelter from the storm)
But beneath your smiles...
The dead of Gondolin have no forgiveness for their traitor. Why should they?
John Wayne Gacy, Jr. – Sufjan Stevens
And on his best behavior
In a dark room on the bed he kissed them all
He'd kill ten thousand people
With a sleight of his hand
Running far, running fast to the dead
He took off all their clothes for them
He put a cloth on their lips
Quiet hands, quiet kiss
On the mouth
And in my best behavior
I am really just like him
Look beneath the floorboards
For the secrets I have hid
A last look at Maeglin, son of Eol and Aredhel, who died unmourned.
The Collapse of Laputa – Joe Hisaishi
instrumental
"...and Tuor fought with Maeglin on the walls, and cast him far out, and his body as it fell smote the rocky slopes of Amon Gwareth thrice ere it pitched into the flames below."
Like a Rose On the Grave of Love – Xandria
Indeed, reality seems far
When a rose is in love with you
Slaves of our hearts, that's what we are
We loved and died where roses grew
A waste of a life that could have been good. The end of a darkness that could have been worst. Either way, here it ends.
FIN.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
From:
no subject
Downloaded and will.... *sigh* will update iTunes etc over the winter break and the give you hoodles of comments on all the latest FSTs you put up since then of August, I promise.
&hearts &hearts &hearts
From:
no subject
Love to you, I assume you are busy and somesuch, but I'll be about when you aren't.
From:
no subject
&hearts &hearts &hearts
From:
no subject